I’m speed-walking up Sixth Avenue, wiping sweat off my forehead and fighting the urge to throw my blister-bursting heels off. I spilled coffee dribbles all over my perfectly tailored pantsuit because I’m always rushing to the office, which was the result of my usual struggle to get out of bed in the morning.
The struggle was real because I never woke up energized. Instead, I woke up feeling completely uninspired and depleted.
There I am: playing the corporate career woman part perfectly (A+), yet feeling internally miserable. I felt like I was stuck playing a character that didn’t align with who I was deep down, but I had to continue playing the part to prove my worth. I was “supposed” to be here, being someone I thought I had to be, following the perfectly carved out path to success.
I followed the “supposed to do” path for a long time because of an engrained image of success I adopted from a very young age. I grew up thinking that there was one single way my life was supposed to unravel:
- Graduate from a top university
- Secure a corporate job
- Maybe bounce around a bit for pay increases
- Keep climbing the ladder to the top
I was more concerned with my outward appearance and checking off all the boxes of what “success” looked like on the outside. I looked the part, but it felt like a costume.
It took me many breakdowns that mutated into breakthroughs to realize that I was, more often than not, living my life according to a script. This script would be rewritten many times as my life encountered all those ups, downs, spirals, and twists — but it was still mostly scripted nevertheless.
What were the signs I was living a scripted life?
I was following the money and image while embracing the label. However, I constantly felt disconnected from myself deep down and energetically off balance.
Sometimes, I felt empty inside.
As I was robotically following my daily routines, there was a voice coming from the depth of my soul telling me to go a different direction and define my own path to success. This voice was constantly giving me signs to follow my creative self and contribute more to the world.
But then, there was a louder voice in my head — the intrusive ego — directing me to play my part by following the money and image while conforming to the mold. I named this voice, B*tchy Betty. If I had any exciting ideas about redirecting my life, Betty constantly reminded me of how I would be judged by others and how I would fail tremendously. She told me to tune out the inner voice and keep acting away.
I prioritized how I was perceived and what was expected of me. I searched for validation from anyone and everyone outside of myself, instead of within myself. I was always chasing a moving target of happiness, but since I was following a script, I just wasn’t getting there.
I was the writer of my own script and the lead actress in my own movie but too enthralled with what was trending and how to improve my ratings. So much so, that I disconnected from myself and conformed to the mold.
So… I stayed in this current unfulfilling reality while constantly thinking about what else was out there; I could feel it from a distance. I wasn’t following my joyful truth, nor all those things I was daydreaming about, but at least I was thriving on the outside and making a “successful” living.
Awakening to the constant role-play
We can become professional actors in our own life, playing roles we don’t really connect with, ones that keep us from reaching our true energetic alignment.
We follow what we’re supposed to do instead of what we’re meant to do.
We hang on to the wrong jobs, destructive relationships, fake friends, and clutch tightly to our past— to “what was”. We create our own resistance and hold ourselves down from reaching new heights and uncharted waters.
We see others accomplishing leaps and bounds— pursuing what we deemed impossible— and in turn, we feel resentment and insecurity. Those vibrations can be felt from around the world & back, trust me.
I had forgotten what it felt like to be in a state of ease, or a state of flow. You know, where you’re so entranced with what you’re doing at the moment that you have no other thought in your mind?
Instead, I mostly felt overwhelming anxiety accompanied by negative thought patterns. It was almost impossible to finish a task without hundreds of different negative thoughts disrupting my train of thought.
I was suppressing my own intuition and instead, listening to B*tchy Betty.
I finally reached a breaking point where I felt like everything was pushing against me instead of gravitating towards me. This was the universe finally redirecting me into a brand new reality. I had to powerfully push my ego (Betty) aside and take a huge scary leap into the unknown.
When it feels like the world is pushing against you, this is a sign to rotate perspective and change directions. Your rocky foundation can no longer hold you. It’s time to let go and up-level.
I finally realized I wasn’t in alignment with who I was deep down. I am a deeply sensitive soul always searching for universal answers such as, “how the hell did we all get here”? I have always been drawn to the unordinary. Yet, I was following the ordinary.
What it means to live life unscripted
Living life unscripted means you are total alignment with who you are. You are true to yourself and living a life of ease, joy, and balanced flow.
You stop pretending. You refuse to wear a costume with a fake smile. You don’t care what people think of you… and it’s completely liberating.
You disconnect from your ego and tune into your powerful intuition.
You wake up energized. You feel like you’re internally thriving. When you see other people pretending, it aches your heart.
As the creator of your own reality, you decide to write the script that is aligned with your core self. You finally “see” that you have the power to write a brand new chapter whenever your creative heart desires.
You wipe the sweat off your forehead as you decide to stop acting, and instead, you start truly being.
Originally published on Medium